Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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