Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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