she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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