Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
