I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
