She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
