I saw his package. It spoke to me.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.