If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.