i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.