My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
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shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.