No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.