he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.