I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.