Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
