I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
