I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
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Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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