if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
