If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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