a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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