Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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