it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
