We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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