let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
