woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
