I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
