Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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