Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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