It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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