There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize