I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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