Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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