My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
