Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
