Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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