Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
