glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
