I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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