AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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