That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
