Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
