Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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