When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
