I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
