Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize