You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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