i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i think im in europe. pls send help
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