Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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