Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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