so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
