4 words: hood of his car
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
