it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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