I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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