I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
