I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
