Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
