haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
