conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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