I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
