i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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