we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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