I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
