either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
