I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you had me at cake vodka
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize