ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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