i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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