I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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