So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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