I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
