i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
