can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
