I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
