she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
