I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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