You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
