I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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