this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
