i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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