youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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