he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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